R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
