your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
