My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
