More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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