I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
