Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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