Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
