he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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