I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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