Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Porn is love you can see.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
