Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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