I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
