So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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