if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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