he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
