the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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