They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
