A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
cat food counts as protein by the way
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
