I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
