I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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