i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
