I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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