He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
