i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
