If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
