I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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