I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
