i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
