does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
