I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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