You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You made out with two different species that night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
