Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
