if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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