angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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