Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
