i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
