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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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