i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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