He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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