Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
