Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
