Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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