she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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