laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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