the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
