Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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