"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
