I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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