p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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