Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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